Satirical fiction: Overpowered – Ch4 – Labyrinth of Rolaven

Overpowered – Phase One

by S. A. Ward

Chapter Four – Labyrinth of Rolaven

       Viz summoned a rift portal. Kent walked through it and found himself at the entrance of a baleful labyrinth. Not too far outside one could find an intersection of roads that had a directive sign. An eerie fog gripped this domain, faint light penetrated the bleak clouds. The labyrinth’s walls seemed fathomless. No end was visible, and they were covered in vegetation. Some appeared to be cannabis derived plants. There was a menacing forest that had crimson hued trees in sight towards his left. A hill that had light shrubbery obscured what was to be seen on the right. Kent ceased his gandering and into the unknown he ventured. Early into this endeavor there was only a singular narrow path. Skeletal remains and overgrowth were littered throughout. The skeletal remains varied in size. Some were even Peter Dinklage-like and definitely couldn’t have been from a child. Kent thought to himself, with all that has happened today gnomes being here wouldn’t surprise me one bit. Hopefully they’re extra hostile. He came to an intersection that split off into left, straight, and right. He contemplated his options, hmm, pass it to the left. Pot plants are here, this has to be a dwelling of some stoner. Left was the path that he chose. It curved and contorted without revealing any other intersectional routes for some time. He walked for a solid ten minutes and reached another intersection that allowed him to diverge left or right. I think I should stick with pass it to the left. After coming across several more intersectional routes, he seemed to be lost, but something caught his attention. He stumbled upon one where the left path was emanating with smoke and reeked of reefer. Kent pondered his options and decided to investigate it. The scent of cannabis continued to get more and more pungent the further he went in. He eventually reached a dead end shortly after. There was cannabis burning in a pit and various types of toking paraphernalia surrounding it. While examining the area Kent accidentally stepped on a press plate of some sort. The wall behind him began to rise revealing a goliath pot creature lounging it out. He had vine-like dreadlocks and took notice of Kent. The pot creature was puzzled over having a visitor, “Suhhh dude,” The pot creature became intrigued, “Holy fuck, ya lovely green eyes. Dey be like jeweled emeralds, and I cannot recall de last time I gazed upon a human.” The friendly pot elemental had a tubular voice. The dude posed a question as he exuded smoke from his mouth, “What brings ya to deh labyrinth?” 

Kent thought to himself, A pot creature smoking pot, isn’t that basically cannibalism or cannibisalism?

         “Uhhhh, I am the chosen one of Mother Earth. I’m on a quest to retrieve the satchel of Xovin and Fragments of Dret. I’ve been told those items can be enchanted with the fragments.”

         “Ahh, dat be right, me name be Sihhh by de way. Xovin’s satchel be in de pockets of Tobizca. He de Tobacco elemental dat dwells in dis labyrinth. As for Drets Fragments ya must venture into Leldrot’s Lair called De Temple of Curdling in de Forest of Anguish. If ya desire be tu retrieve de satchel’s treasure den yeh bargain be wit Tobizca. He managed teh steal dem not too far back and had been after dat loot fur ages. Good luck trying teh obtain dat stuff. Honestly mon, ya might have to defeat him. In regards of de fragments ya will def have to fight Leldrot. He not ta be underestimated in de slightest. I can aid yeh wit dis journey of yours, but first I ask ya. Are ya acquainted wit de Ganja?”

A cheerful grin imbued him, “Ganja and I are well acquainted.”

“We’ll see about dat, take a hit of dis,” Sihhh handed him a packed bong that was nearby. Kent grabbed hold of it and took an aggressive rip with ease then exhaled, “Ganja and I have been friends for many years.” The potent weed only gave Kent a mild buzz. It slightly phased his high tolerance to the substance.

         Sihhh was rather surprised, and it took him back a little. He anticipated that Kent would’ve became zonked out from it, rendering him incapacitated, “Very good, I be impressed. Ya be worthy,” Sihhh pressed a press plate hidden by overgrowth. 

This unveiled a secret passage nearby. “Dis be da Wae mon, trekk forward if yeh do not fear death.” Kent showed his appreciation with an offering, “Thanks breh, take this. I was saving it, but I’d like you to have it.” He handed him a king palm leaf space pheonix blunt. A vine- like appendage protruded from Sihhh’s shoulder and he took hold of it from Kent. After examining the blunt for a brief moment, he sparked it up, “This be superb!” He continued to take several more puffs, “Holy smokes .. worthy ya be mon.. come by anytime me dude.” 

“I intend to, you seem hella awesome. I’ll bring my homies sometime and we can have a sesh. Also question, you’re a pot elemental that smokes pot. Does that make you a cannibal or cannibisalist?”

“Dude… dis my argument, what douche of eh God would make a pot creature and prohibit dat individual from smoking it? I strictly smoke and do not eat pot though. Also, how could one resist de Ganja?”

Kent’s eyes were redder than a Trump hat, “Nah man I totally get it, you’re mad mellow and don’t seem to be a danger to anyone, so I don’t see an issue with it.”

He moved aside his dreads, “Thanks fur seeing meh perspective man.. I be looking forward to ya return. Good luck on ya quest, Chosen One of Mother Earth.”

         They bid their farewells with the standard stoner handshake. Kent made his way further into the unknown. The passageway closed behind him after he had made a decent distance from it. He thought to himself amidst a moment of realization, wait .. why haven’t I tried space warping to the top yet.. derp..  He calculated a desirable location and gave it a try, it worked! Kent stood atop a jagged peak and gained an advantage. He peered off into the distance, there didn’t seem to be an actual end. However, on two sides of the maze it rested against a menacing mountain range but entailed there was an end. A clear blue sky was nowhere in sight. Only abysmal gloom cast over the vast expanse of this realm or at least what was present to be seen. Crimson moons cascaded in and out of view through the clouds. It couldn’t have been one moon, because they appeared in multiple places and posed to actually be several. They varied in distance and had their own geographical make up. The clouds were highly active and held in a state of perpetual morphing. Violet spores of some kind drifted through the wind. Bioluminescent violet mushrooms were another spectacle and would explain the spores. Aerial wildlife that showcased sharp carnivorous features skulked from above for their next meal. Their bodies were roughly half the size of a man and had a wingspan that was at least six feet. They were coupled with six-inch skull piercing talons. Not a bird you’d want to cross. An array of insect-like creatures was also in the mix. Displaying exotic characteristics all of their own. There was an entire alternate dimensional roster of lifeforms here. 

         His next move he space warped high above to get a bird’s eye view. This maze seemed to go on for miles down the grim mountain. A little aways Kent spotted smoke billowing in mass. There’s something. He space warped close to its proximity. This area was open in comparison to most of this region. Another lumbering plant elemental entered in his sights and could be seen commanding gnomes to do his bidding. Bruhh, no way. Kent space warped several dozen feet away from him, “Hey bud, I like what you have going on. I too am a slayer and slaver of the gnomes, what’s your name?”

         He acknowledged his presence and spoke with a bellowing war drum voice, “I am the Great Tobizca and you’re probably just an amateur. Let’s see your gnome kill tracker. I want to see your combined virtual and real.” He opened it up and presented 1,052,273. Tobizca’s cigar fell from his mouth as he stood in astonishment of Kent’s BDE. 

“Bruhh.. you’re up there with the God gnome slayer. Yours is nearly all virtual, but still! I’m only at 102,845. Ho.. how..?” 

“I take gnome slaying very seriously, now indefinitely that I have ascended. I’m the chosen one of Mother Earth.” Kent conjured an assassin’s blade and gave a demonstration of his newfound abilities. Showcasing complex fluid strikes, space warping to different locations, going invisible and reappearing, and ending it off by decimating a laboring gnome with optical mayonnaise. “I have come to you to retrieve something. I require the satchel of Xovin and its contents.”

“I will give it to you free of charge.. game recognize game. Promise me one thing though..”

“What’s that?” Kent asked.

“Never stop, you’re doing God’s work.”

“I assure you; my bloodthirst will never be quenched.” Tobizca handed him the satchel of Xovin. “Where can one find Leldrot’s Lair?”

Tobizca pointed in the desired direction, “Across from the primal entrance of the Labyrinth, there is a demonic forest known as The Forest of Anguish. There will be a blue, black, and yellow brick road. Follow the yellow brick road. With this trajectory you will find what you seek.”

Kent raised an eyebrow, “What in the fucking Wizard of Oz bullshit are you speaking of?”

He had an honorable and serious demeanor,

“This is the way; I would not lie to someone as mighty as you oh great one.”

 “I do believe I came across the entrance upon my arrival. I think I know where to go, thank you for your assistance. It is much appreciated; I wish thou sincere joy in thine gnome slaying.”

Tobizca kneeled before him, “You’re hardcore and likewise. Farewell… Senpai.” 

“Thanks, Tobizca, we’ll meet again soon.” Mere moments later Kent space warped high above searching for the entrance in free fall and space warped towards it.

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