Satirical horror short story: Squeaks of the Void

Squeaks of the Void

By S. A. Ward

Gary Phemar was the master custodian of Last Gear Incorporated. This company was an automotive manufacturer that rose to prominence in 2027. If the word scruffy was a person, it would be Gary. He had earthy brown eyes, resembling smooth clay. His attire consisted of a standard maintenance uniform. For facial hair he had a gray overgrown beard and a mustache. Accompanied by equally overgrown locks of hair and bushy eyebrows. To a custodian, such an aesthetic is the greatest badge of honor one can obtain.

This classical gentleman could be found mopping up a minor coolant spill over by one of the CNC machines. His custodial apprentice Carlos Rainwater approached him. This young lad was 19, he had curly blonde hair, which was complimented by a tattered Last Gear ball cap and peach fuzz for facial hair. His eyes were a warm blue, soothing like the morning sun. He seemed rather puzzled by a recent and out of the ordinary experience, “Custodial master Gary, I was making my usual rounds and I ran into these really weird hamsters. They were wearing small combat clothes, had weapons, devices, and spoke eng–.” 

Gary interrupted him before he could finish the sentence, “SHHHH!” He ceased his cleanliness duties and let out a weighted sigh, “I knew this day would come…” Moments later he shifted his gaze and Carlos noticed an unusual look of dread emanating from his master’s eyes, “It’s time I told you, leave your phone in our custodial unit. We cannot speak of it here, there is only one suitable place for such a conversation, follow me.”

They went to a room adjacent to their current location, which appeared to be a supply closet that served a peculiar purpose. Master Gary retrieved a 19th century oil lamp, it emitted an ominous light and made the shadows rather lively. He approached two shelves used to store cleaning necessities. There was a gap in between them that left a brick wall to be exposed. He pressed several bricks, they ever so slightly receded into the wall. It seemed to require a substantial amount of pressure to do so. After having pushed them as far back as the bricks could go, they clicked and rebound at a snail’s pace to their primary placement. There was a pattern of some sort to the order he pressed them. After a minute had passed a distinct clank sounded off, the shelves lowered into the floor, which revealed seams in the wall for some type of secluded passageway. The wall began to go lower as well, a metallic blast door fastened with an external wheel lock came into sight. Gary spun the wheel lock handle, it resulted in a sharp clank and moments later he opened the hefty door. It unveiled a strange office quarter, shaggy carpet and flickering fluorescent lighting clutched the majority of what was to be seen, accompanied by a mind numbing buzzing, which seemed to come from the lights. The carpet proved to be damp and the enigmatic environment posed to be void of any human activity. There was no visible end in sight to the obscure hallways. Numerous naturally white and simplistic doors had a yellow tinge stained on them. The master custodian and his pupil ventured forward into an estranged dwelling. Carlos was hesitant but trusted his master, “What is this place…?”

He kept his stern gaze forward, remaining alert and vigilant of anything undesirable, “The backrooms…”

His pupil became worried, having lightly read into such a place, “The backrooms…? Isn’t it nearly impossible to leave a place like this?”

Gary let out an amused and confident huff, “If you don’t know what you’re doing or are without a master key it is. We’ll be fine young one, you need not worry.”

After walking for about five minutes they arrived at a basic door, seemingly no different from the others, however the look on the Master Custodian’s face proved that it was a place of importance. He traced a pattern on the door using his fingers. The numbers six and nine began to glow on the door once he finished. An ancient keyboard and monitor appeared on the right wall, by ancient I mean windows 98. The monitor booted up on its own. In the center of the screen a word and a keystroke box appeared to the right of it. The word presented was, “slap,” to which Gary typed in, “a midget.” A multi-toned beep emitted from the computer, signifying that the correct command was entered. Another word and blank keystroke box appeared, “Kick: a blind man in the nuts.” The same sound command signified another successful entry. Several more came after and were as follows, “Fart: the first 10 digits of pi. Eject: a SJW into space.” A victory sound command went off, conveying the final input was a success. The lock in the door clanked, a brief moment later Gary twisted the doorknob and opened the doorway. After the two walked in the door shut on its own, pitch black would be an understatement. The deepest charred remains of a city subjected to a siege couldn’t even compare. One could place a hand in front of their face and there would be no possibility of it being visible to the human eye. However, not even five seconds had passed and idealistic lighting flickered on. It was lighting most would prefer, not too bright, or dim, misplaced, or horribly hued, and not like the Backroom fluorescent lights that leave a splinter in your mind. This path revealed a pristine custodial supply and lounge room. Such a quarters was like a luxury palace for a custodian. Carlos was baffled, still trying to process everything that led up to this moment, “Wha.. what… is this place?”

Gary walked over to a glorious recliner and lounged it out, “This is the Custodial master quarters, we are not only in charge of maintaining cleanliness at Last Gear but the back rooms as well. It’s been that way for several generations. Don’t worry, you’ll get all the fine details with due time.” He raised an eyebrow while looking at Carlos, “Come sit, it’s time to speak some truth.”

His anxiety subsided, growing more comfortable and trusting of master Gary, “Sounds like a grand plan master.” The young man took a seat in an empty recliner adjacent to his superior.

Gary got more relaxed and evoked a scowl, as though getting in the mindset to tell a story, “The origins of him and his followers have been unknown for countless years. They are known as the Squeaks of the Void and their leader goes by many names, the dark shadow is what we have come to call him. However, we only refer to him or make mention of his existence if it’s absolutely necessary. Otherwise we live in fear of what he may do next, and no he is not some cringe lord Voldemort. If he were to discover someone made such an assertion then consider them a deadman walking, and believe me, you do want to become flagged. If you disrespect or cause them unnecessary problems then he and his men will drive you into insanity. First it’ll start by making it seem like you caused workplace mishaps or accidents. Creating work tension over your performance and overall social interactions. They’ll toy with you and make you seem like a loose cannon, as though you’re incompetent, awkward, and a liability. Expect your car’s fuel to be siphoned, tires slashed, and say goodbye to your vehicle’s internal wiring. Expect them to purposely steal or misplace your needed items or belongings such as keys, credit cards, work badge, or any other critical necessities. They love to tamper with phones and other electronic devices, causing them to malfunction or to be manipulated by them. You could be in the middle of a meeting or a family dinner and depraved pornography will start playing off your phone. They’ll program your voice in a software application, everything they type sounds as if it came from you but really it came from your phone or some other electronic device. Might surprise you with a racially obscene custom ringtone or reroute your GPS so you end up somewhere shady and unpleasant then power down your device to where it can’t be turned back on. They’re also masters of photoshop, CGI, propaganda, and psychology. If you really pissed them off you’ll likely end up in a paradoxical sector of the back rooms or have your legs broken and they’ll send you off to North Korea. They don’t operate within the confines of human morality, I’ll just put it that way. If something will drive you further into madness, they’ll do it. They’ll give out your phone number, name, home and email address, personal contacts, financial and social information, swap out your prescription drugs, and do vile things to your toothbrush. These are all just tamed and watered down examples. You likely cannot even begin to fathom their magnitude of treachery. Even after you’ve been terminated they’ll slander you on the internet and continue their trickery until you descend beyond the event horizon of madness. When or if you do become aware of their trickery, their primary avatar form is a hamster, so who’s going to believe your story? Most will just think you’re some cracked out tweaker. I’ve learned to respect the boundaries they’ve laid out and they leave me to my work. Whatever you do, do not cross or get in the way of their interests.”

Gary paused as though in contemplation, “I’m glad you came to me about this, if you went to someone undesirable, things could’ve gotten really bad for you. Now that you know, they also know what has been said here and if you cross them, there is little I can do for you.”

Carlos had an expression of utter disbelief and internal conflict sowed across his face, “This is going to take me a minute to fully process. What a weird day today has been.”

Gary let out a reserved chuckle, “Yeah, reptilian overlords were just another scapegoat, void hamster Warlords run the show.”

Epilogue

We were the first to answer the voids call. Our eons of mastery led us to the inconceivable, the void lords bestowing us with their blessings.

If you hear a squeak, just know that we are near and you will only know we are near, if we desire it. You cannot run from us, you cannot defeat us, and you cannot join us. We were the first and we know what is last. What was there before good and evil? Power…. The void is the absence of good and evil, which is to be without form and to be infinite in potential.

Our reach goes galaxies beyond that of your species. Your kind only exists because we allow it. We’ve been roaming the cosmos for millions of “years.” You think you know power, yet haven’t ventured beyond your little planet. Oblivious to how late to the show you are. Your lives are like a grain of sand in comparison to your home star, not even a speck in the inconceivable expanse of eternity.

What we desire is already ours, stand in the way and you will be subjected to our wrath. You’ll stop thinking we are cute and cuddly once you lay witness to our capacity for violence. Only ignorant fools know not of our true power and judge us by appearance. Our fighting skills put your beloved John Wick to shame.

Just know, we see what you do when you think no one is around. We see who you are when you remove your mask and we are… the Squeaks of the Void…